Terry Rozier is playing Tom Brady to Kyrie Irving’s Drew Bledsoe. Football is a little different because there is only one quarterback (also, there is only one Tom Brady) whereas Rozier and Irving could share the court. Terry would be able to observe the Under-the-rim Magician’s gaggle of layups from a great view on the court. Anyway, the Boston youngster has been texting Tom Terrific during the Celtics playoff run. This is what their conversation probably looks like.
Tom: How’s your hair game?
Tom: What’s your mane flow rate?
Terry: What do you mean?
Tom: How’s the ol’ mophead?
Terry: Are you speaking English?
Tom: What’s your follicle count?
Terry: What does this have to do with the playoffs?
Tom: Do you have your locks locked down?
Terry: Locked down?
Tom: Got any stranded strands?
Terry: Listen, Tom, this is a really important series against the Bucks and…
Tom: The mousse?
Terry: No, Tom, the Bucks. And they have this really good player nicknamed the Greek Freak and…
Tom: Oooh I hear the Greeks have good hair.
Terry: I’m sure they do. Anyway, do you have any ideas for how we can slow him down?
Tom: Relax, man. Stop wigging out.
Terry: Alright, alright I’m calm. What’s the game plan?
Tom: Maybe if you give Aron Baynes a jheri curl wig, then you bleach…
Terry: Does everything come back to hair with you?
Tom: Of course not. I have more layers than that.
Terry: Then why do you only ever talk about hair?
Tom: It’s the highlight of my day.
Terry: That makes sense.
Tom: Don’t comb over the fact that I’m trying to help you win.
Terry: It doesn’t even matter if we win or lose. Nothing is permanent.
Tom: Now you’re speaking my language. So if Brad Stevens coifs…
Tom: Hey don’t bristle at me.
Terry: Sorry. It’s just that I feel like I keep getting burned by both sides.
Tom: Here’s the plan. Just keep banging it into the paint. You gotta keep the bangs coming.
Terry: OK good, good.
Tom: Don’t be afraid to tousle ‘em up.
Terry: Right on.
Tom: Try not to taper off late in the game.
Terry: That’s why we work so hard in the offseason.
Tom: Look forward to the tipoff, don’t dread it.
Terry: Why do I feel like you’re just blowing hot air at me?
Tom: That’s why they call me the Human Hair Dryer.
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