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Pistons Break Up With Stan Van Gundy


   The Detroit Pistons are parting ways with Stan Van Gundy after four seasons at the helm as head coach, president of basketball operations and senior ball boy. They are about to update their relationship status on Facebook to “Searching for middle-aged man with a mustache, preferably wearing transitional glasses”. These are a few things for Stan Van “I’m a man, I’m 40” Gundy to do with his free time.

Waterbed Salesman in Jacksonville, Florida

90s Hip Hop Producer

The Second Most Interesting Man in the World

His Younger Brother, Jeff’s, Personal Assistant

Bingo Announcer

Game Show Host (Survivor: Lake Havasu)

Maitre D’ at Chilis 

Magician’s Assistant

Miami Vice Cosplayer

TV Doctor

Mustache Artist at Subway (like a sandwich artist; the Russian judges give it a six out of ten)

70s Porn Star

Gym Teacher

A Simpsons Character

Hard Rock Cafe T-Shirt Hoarder

Backpack Kid’s Agent

The Situation’s Accountant

Paul F. Tompkins Impressionist (The F is for Funky)

Southern Dandy

Your Dad’s Friend

Inflatable Car Dealership Tube Man

Undercover Jazz Musician

Carny from Big Fish

Pumpkin Patch Owner

Mascot for Pizza

Your Cool Preacher

Reptile Trainer

Founder of a Steely Dan Fan Club

Captain of Amateur Bowling Team, Pin the Zone 

Rod Stewart Memorabilia Collector

University of Phoenix Professor

The Person Who Discovered Creed

Clean Stand Up Comedian

Lead Singer of Blues Traveler Cover Band

Half the Bathtub Couple in a Viagra Commercial

George Costanza’s Softball Teammate

Treadmill Technician

The New Trivago Guy

A Producer for the Travel Chanel Show, Ghost Adventures

Mall Massage Therapist

Janitor in an 80s Sitcom

Shants Model

Paul Giamatti’s Anger Management Teacher

Sperm Bank Manager

Hugh Hefner

What's Stan Van Gundy's favorite thing to do?
Created 5/7/18
  1. Slam poetry
  2. Sing in the sauna
  3. Watch golf
  4. Play golf

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