Jimmy Butler is in Italy by himself. Jimmy Butler wants someone to be in Italy with him. Will you go to Italy to be with Jimmy Butler? He’s saving a seat on the gondola for you. Join him as the gondolier serenades the two of you with sweet John Mayer type harmonies and you begin to understand why his co-workers call him the “Walking Barbershop Quartet” around the morning paddle-storming session, won’t you?
These are some of the activities on the agenda for Jimmy Butler and his Invisibae (who is perhaps the lamest new superhero being introduced in The Incredibles 2) for the rest of their reenactment of season four of Jersey Shore.
Riding a tandem bicycle by himself as every squeak of the back wheel rotating drives a nail into his outcast heart
Driving a motorcycle with an ominously vacant side car (I saw Ominously Vacant open for Vampire Weekend at a theme park that closed its doors in 1996; the lead singer was bizarrely emotionally unavailable in his in-between song banter. The concert went off without a hitch until the bassist of Ominously Vacant snapped Ezra Koenig’s suspenders backstage by besmirching his choice of fedora to high top Converse combination and the bands began hurling insulting haikus in the general direction of one another. One keyboardist was said to be so hurt by the entire situation that he vowed to never ride a longboard on the beach while sipping Kombucha and thinking about moving to Australia to chase the waves and his dreams again (in case you were wondering, his dreams are also gravitationally attracted to the moon as he would like to one day become the first astronaut sent to space by the Australian Space Agency, a goal so odd in design that no one dare question his pursuit of it lest they look like a fool.))
FaceTiming no one but the wind
Eating a romantic dinner where he was spotted slurping a piece of spaghetti as if there was a phantom presence eating the other half of it then the piece broke in half and he lost himself in a fit of laughter, pausing momentarily to look longingly into the eyes of the other “person” and make sure they were laughing as well
Dragging a fully extended extendable dog leash by his side as he walks and sips a latte
Throwing a baseball then running to retrieve the ball and throw it back to where he was originally standing
Serving a volleyball into a village of state of the art sand castles that he made
Playing outdoor chess with the giant pieces against… I don’t know, that tree over there perhaps?
Practicing the tango by his lonesome as he curses the commonly known expression, “It takes two to tango”
Reading a book out loud to a family of educated squirrels (Educated Squirrels was actually the name of Ominously Vacant before their lead singer moved to Morocco to pursue a career in competitively doing the limbo against some dudes who look like they have played in a few bongo drum circles with Matthew McConaughey.)
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- Hang out with Jimmy Butler on gondolas
- Watch Ghostbusters