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Turning Garbage into Gold












Everyone gets mad sometimes. We have all thrown a tantrum or two in our day. But what’s the most poetic thing you have done in a fit of rage? 

Have you ever used a metaphor as a weapon? Perhaps you could take a night class at the local junior college instructed by Brennan (I know you touched my drum set!) Metzger (Kurt Metzger’s illegitimate baseball playing son) or a disciple of his methods. 

Brennan Metzger is a warrior; he taught Steph Curry how to throw his mouth guard at that fan when Curry attended his night class as a publicity stunt (a bizarro Punk’d; a Reverse Kutcher if you will). Brennan Metzger is a street artist; his nickname should be Banksy Without A Mask. 

Brennan Metzger is a performer. Brennan Metzger has never shied away from the spotlight. Brennan Metzger lives for the stage. Brennan Metzger has starred in Shakespeare in the Ballpark. 

Somewhere in a tree hut in Key West, sipping on a Margarita and singing along to Cheeseburger in Paradise at the top of his lungs with his beach dog, Seashell (Seesh for short), Lou Piniella (whose spirit animal is obviously the chinchiella), Tommy Bahama shirt louder than Daft Punk performing on Saturday at Burning Man, just lost one of his Dolce & Gabbana flip flops in the bay because he was crying so hard from being so proud of Brennan Metzger. 

Honey, honey come quick!” Piniella shouted to his wife.

Rushing out to the dock because she was terrified of a medical scare, Anita Piniella nearly stumbled over the slight change in elevation in the entrance of their tree hut, a slight change in elevation that had been written on her heart since the couple moved into the hut several island years ago.

What is it honey?! Are you OK?” Anita cried out in despair.

Yes honey, I am fine. Thank you for checking on me, I know you worry. It’s just that…I saw this young man perform a miraculous act of complaining. He put a garbage can behind the plate where the umpire stands, it was symbolic, it was…superb.” Lou trailed off as he lost himself in the undulance of the turquoise water. 

That is wonderful. I’m so happy to hear the great news about your legacy living on in the sport that you love. Who was this young man who gave us the miraculous act?” Anita cried out in elation. 

Brennan Metzger.” Lou said, a single tear diving down his face. 

God bless you Brennan Metzger. How can we thank the young man?” Anita queried. 

Well, there’s this thing called Venmo where you can send cash to people. Let’s Venmo Brennan Metzger a few bucks. You know how college students can be so dreadfully poor from buying overpriced textbooks, laying on their backs in the quad while imagining cool-looking clouds and drinking Tequila shots with their professors before playing football in the quad and tripping over other students laying on their backs while imagining cool-looking clouds. Let’s toss Brennan Metzger a little green bone to thank him for his good deeds.” Lou rattled off like he was doing his taxes.

And that’s how Lou Piniella taught Brennan Metzger about a little thing called life with a little thing called Venmo, faith and a drenched pair of Dolce & Gabbana flip flops that Anita plucked out of the bay with a fishing net. 




SQuiz
What is Fargo-Moorhead's mascot?
Created 8/7/18
  1. Red Hawks
  2. The Forest
  3. Igloo Builders
  4. Ice Fishers

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