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Bolt’s Indefinite Training Period













Usain Bolt loves the spotlight. Usain Bolt is the Brennan Metzger of Olympic sprinters. Indefinite training periods are what Simon Cowell gives to people with Bobcats for vocal cords (the bulldozer not the animal. Speaking of which, has there ever been anyone who is lands farther on the Rand McNally from their name than Bobcat Goldthwait? The man is downright docile, moreso than both likenesses of the term. Maybe Seal except I saw a picture of him sitting on a rock when I was watching TMZ so I don’t know who to believe anymore.) We should all hope that he will play for the Central Coast Mariners because they haven’t made the playoffs since they tied the all time win record in 2001. 

If Usain Bolt can play soccer, Michael Phelps should follow his dreams and just be a professional hacky sack player already. If Usain Bolt can play soccer, Shaun White be more chill. If Usain Bolt can play soccer, Lindsey Vonn should date someone famous. Usain Bolt makes Will look like Carlton. 

Usain Bolt playing soccer makes me want to watch highlights of Usain Bolt running for world records on the biggest stage in the world (Brennan Metzger would love it). Sure, he can play soccer but he will always live in our memories as the dude who did the lightning bolt pose, ran around in bare feet after the race, celebrated early but still broke the world record and also had a brief stint as a professional soccer player in Australia. 

SQuiz
Is Bolt good at soccer?
Created 8/7/18
  1. Of course, he's a charmer
  2. Of course, he does the lightning bolt pose even after just good passes
  3. Of course, he's an amazing athlete and his running skills will transfer to the soccer field effortlessly
  4. 1. Of course not silly 2. Define "good" 3. He's two Messis stacked on top of each other 4. Why isn't this a reality TV show? Bolting for the Pitch

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