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Ocean Plastic Surgery

An Inconvenient Truth 2: Soccer is Boring (JK, JK don’t come after me with a flying roundhouse kick ya FIFA Nuts and Green Street Hooligans). 

I thought I saw Al Gore tooling around in a pair of shin guards in the backdrop (when Al Gore does an Around the World he’s referring to foreign policy about the planet’s warming climate) behind some dude holding a novelty-sized check next to a shovel he just planted in the ground where a giant pair of scissors will eventually be broken out as babies rejoice (probably in regards to something else but still, babies though. You could probably win every argument in the world if you just calmly looked at the person directly in the eye with the serenity of a school of fish patrolling an alpine lake and were like, “Babies, though”, then you throw a handful of powder on the ground before you scurry off in a poorly feigned disappearance that would make David Blaine choke on the frog he was eating (baby powder, of course to stick to your theme.))

Ninety nine percent of the ocean floor is unexplored but zero percent of Real Madrid’s love of the planet is left to be found. Ed Begley Jr. just did a sick wheelie on his kale bike and asked some nearby kids who were taping the sequence if they could upload it to solar media. 

What was Cristiano Ronaldo's reaction when he saw Real Madrid's new ocean plastic kits?
Created 8/7/18
  1. He was upset that they waited til he left to gain goodwill
  2. He was thrilled for Al Gore
  3. He was thrilled for the ocean
  4. He was pissed not because of the jerseys but because he couldn't sleep due to the loud Iranian fans outside his hotel

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