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The Serb, the Aussie & the Wardrobe

How do they fit so many tennis balls in those short shorts? It’s like a corn maze in there. It makes the David Bowie classic Labyrinth look like the David Bowie classic Zoolander. 

Forget you Ben Stiller, if David Bowie is in it then it’s a David Bowie classic. Why don’t you go feed the tennis serve machine for Rafa Nadal, Stiller? We all saw you poorly feigning fandom after copping those prime time seats in his player’s box. White Goodman was more interested in saving Average Joe’s Gymnasium than you were in who won that epic match which served (Red alert - the pun alarm just went off! You didn’t need Hawk-Eye to spot that one mashed across the plate.) as a reminder for why we sometimes watch tennis four times a year.

John Millman asked Novak Djokovic if he could have a brief intermission in the second set to change his shorts because it was so humid that he could not retrieve a tennis ball from his pocket or even a stick of Juicy Fruit because his breath was just putrid. At least he was polite about asking the opponent if it was alright and Djokovic was polite about allowing him to do it. I love how polite everyone is in tennis; tennis is like all of our parents. When a line judge misses a call the players are like, “I hope you choke on a strawberry and almost die but then save yourself and enjoy the rest of your shortcake!”  

Asking to change shorts in the middle of a match is like asking Tiger Woods to start wearing a purple shirt on Sundays. That’s like asking LeBron to start chugging bottles of 7-Up instead of Sprite at half time. That’s like asking Tom Brady to get a haircut in the middle of the fourth quarter or Bill Belichick to wear sleeves at his own wedding or Tom Brady to get a haircut before he’s the best man at Bill Belichick’s sleeveless wedding because you just know that no one is allowed to wear sleeves, it’s not even an option in the buffet. When you R.S.V.P., there aren’t even two little boxes that you can check for sleeves or no sleeves like at a wedding featured on CMT.

Why did John Millman want to change his shorts?
Created 9/7/18
  1. They were clashing with his energy
  2. There was Clashing of Clans
  3. He wanted to check his Twitter
  4. He just realized that he forgot to wear underwear

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